You're Killing me Smalls

Every single time I come on here I feel like I'm saying the same thing. I've been so busy and I can't believe how long it's been since I've written. Okay, I know...but SERIOUSLY life is getting hard and right when I think it's hard, it gets harder. It's been a tough few weeks with Craig and Noelle getting a bad cold and then Craig hurting his back so bad he couldn't walk or even really move. It was pretty scary. We took him to the doctor yesterday and he thinks he has a muscle sprain and gave him some muscle relaxers and anti-inflammatories. While he's been literally sitting on the couch or laying in bed I've been doing everything and feeling super rundown. I'm at my wits end some days and others I am feeling so grateful.

Today was a grateful day. One that I'm super thankful for and needed. I had taken Micah to school and had a doc appt. Then Noelle fell asleep in the car and we went over to a friends for lunch. I had more time since I knew she wouldn't sleep at home after her car nap. Then they both laid down at 3pm. and at 5 p.m. we left for church. It was a parent's night out!! We dropped them off and headed to meet a couple for dinner. I was so excited to get out without the kids. I know I've had a great cruise and vacation, but these kids... are a lot. I mean nonstop all day 24/7 as a single mom(for the past 2 weeks). Craig was able to get out of the house with me, but still very slow and can't really handle much with the kids. He can't pick up or really bend over at all yet. Some days I imagine getting a back injury and sleeping on the couch all day. Sounds kinda good right now... haha


So I'm just trying to keep my head above water and praying more than ever. Praying for patience and love. Love for my husband and healing. Love for my kids and to show them God's love even when I'm not feeling it. Love for others when I feel like I don't even have time to love myself. God is LOVE and I'm so glad I don't have to be perfect to be loved by him. I am so far from it. I need his grace every day, every second, and I don't pretend to have it all together. I love this life, but some days I want to hide in the closet and pretend I'm laying down on the beach again with no cares or worries and NO CELL PHONES!!!! Those things are driving me crazy too! I am trying my best to put it down and grabbing a book instead (which is not like me at all). I want my kids and son to see me doing something other than looking at my phone. Those things. UGH Love/hate relationship.

Anyways, I appreciate your prayers through this stage I remember all too well with Micah. The 18 month old (What was I thinking having kids?) stage. Oh yes. I remember and I keep telling myself I KNOW it gets better. I love this stage, but if I was any older (and had back problems) there is absolutely no way I could keep up with her. I'm on my toes constantly finding more and more wrinkles on my face each day as I stress out with her. She is the one who will keep me up at night. Crazy, dare devil, stubborn, beautiful child of God. Oh how I can't wait to see what she does or what kind of mom she will be.

We are missing everyone more and more each day. But we love talking and praying about our family and keeping them in our hearts and minds constantly.

I love you all so much! Thank you for keeping up with me.