Her last night here she was sick. I had to let her out every 2 hours, but I didn't mind. She told me when and I would go downstairs and let her out. She would run back upstairs every time and seem happy. I knew I was doing the right thing, but today as I look at her doggie bed and see her stuffed animal my heart aches to hug her again. I want to tell her she didn't deserve to die, she was the sweetest dog on the planet. I was beginning to hate her because of something she couldn't control. I didn't want to come home to a mess and be upset anymore. I wanted to leave her and remember a friendship like no other.
Saturday morning I woke up dreading the next few hours. I wanted her to think everything was fine...but she knew something was wrong. As the time came I told her we were going for a car ride and she got so excited. She was following my every move. She always wanted to come with me when we left. I stuck some treats in my purse and as a family we got in the car. Lotte got to sit on my lap as Craig drove us. She stuck her head out the window and felt the wind on her face as we drove down the road. She licked me and loved on me. As the tears were running down my face I just kept telling her how much I love her. When we walked in the clinic she started to get nervous. I kept saying everything is going to be ok. Don't worry. As we sat in the room I held her and she didn't seem nervous anymore. She licked my face and I made her do some tricks and gave her treats. The lady came in and told me my options. She said they could give her a shot that would make her go to sleep and I could hold her until she fell asleep. The said if I stayed for the euthanasia it wouldn't be easy because I couldn't hold her and love on her. This seemed like the best option. She picked her up and took her away. I knew when she brought her back I would only have a few minutes before she was blacked out. The door opened and I felt my heart stop beating. She gave me a blanket to hold her in because the medication can cause them to lose their bowels/urine when they fall asleep. Lotte looked at me like everything was fine. I held her and kissed her probably a million times. I felt her breathing get slower and slower and her tongue popped out of her mouth and started shaking. It was nice to know she was just falling asleep. She wasn't scared or alone. She knew I was holding her. It felt like I only got to hold her for 2 minutes before I knew she was out. The nurse came in and asked if I was ready. I started balling and said yes. It was time to let her go. The nurse told me she would not feel a thing and that she would stay with her for me while they put her down.
Sometimes it's easier to think she's still sleeping. She's dreaming of treats and running after squirrels. After posting her picture on to Facebook I couldn't believe how many people she had touched. So many places we had been and everyone knew Lotte. She made an impact on many people. Even getting some of my friends to adopt dogs because of her sweetness.
It's hard to put Micah down for a nap and not see her sleeping by his door, to remember her cuddling up beside me on the couch, even to know she's barking at the doorbell to warn me of predators. She was a protector and keeper of this household. She was loved so very dearly. I hope every dog is loved as I loved her.
One day I hope to get another dog when Micah is older and can understand what Love means. It means feeding, walking. cuddling, picking up and taking care of one when they are sick. But for now I can only hope to soon have another baby to add to this family and remember Lotte and how she would have protected and loved all of us.
We will miss you Lotte. With all of my heart I love you and will never forget you and all you have done for me. You have made me who I am today and I am forever grateful. Be at peace now.
Thank you for your prayers and love. I hope you all have a blessed week.
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