blueberries

This is his new favorite. He really does love his blueberries. He gets excited when I pull them out of the fridge. I had to make a special stop at Wal-Mart today just to get him some more (since Aldi didn't have any this week). I'm not going to say a lot but why is Wal-Mart so gross? Ew it's just really gross. I just don't know why I keep going back. haha I just feel dirty every time I go there.

The weekend went by so fast. Saturday we went to a flea market that was about an hour away. If you have ever seen Flea Market Flip...that's what we are looking for! Sadly, we didn't find that here. It was more of a bunch of cheap crap people were selling. However, Micah got to ride a pony for the first time. I can't believe he actually did it. He went around about 3 times and surprised me. Lately he is changing into a scaredy cat (except in the pool). He is just understanding things better and I can tell. I got way to giddy while taking these pictures. I wonder what I'll be like at his sports games one day.

Sunday we went to church (didn't make it on time). We are still figuring out the whole 20 minutes away from church thing. It was so easy in Dallas to be 5 mins away. We were spoiled.  Micah always used to go into the nursery with ease and didn't care about me leaving him. He had done a total 180. Every time we leave him now he starts crying. It's pretty bad. They tell us once we are gone he is pretty good. I hope he starts to like the nursery again. We are going on Wednesday to bible study so I am really hoping he does well for them.

During the day on Sunday we had a fun family time hanging pictures, dancing in the kitchen, and playing tag. Micah is so much fun right now. He gave Lotte the biggest hug yesterday, but of course I didn't catch it. I asked him to hug her again and he turned his head away for the picture. It's so cute how much he loves her.

Also, poor Micah last night had such a hard time pooping. Leslie, Jeremy and Nolan came over for a little bit and they had to witness M having the hardest time pooping I've ever seen. He was so constipated (probably from all the cheese his mom gives him) Finally he got it out and started crying. After I changed him I was in awe at how big the poo was. I even showed Leslie and Jeremy. hahah It was an epic night. LOL

I'm making Chicken Pot Pie tonight. I hope it goes well. Feels weird that I need to use pie crust. It's like dessert. No wonder my son likes it.

This weekend is Craig and I's 6 year anniversary. I found this picture on FB the other day and I just smiled ear to ear. I love this guy with all my heart and still get excited each time he walks through the door.

This was when we first starting dating. We were both at SIUC. I think he still has that shirt... LOL

Have a wonderful week.

<3 p="">

My mommy senses are fading...

If you read the blog a few days ago I had mentioned Micah waking up around 9 a.m. I think the last few days have all been a lie and my mommy senses are leaving me. Craig came back home last night and I told him M had been sleeping in late so try not to wake him up in the morning.  Around 8:30 I hear him playing with M in his room. He brings him to me in bed and explains to me that M has been up ever since he got up (which I'm guessing was around 7:30 a.m. since he didn't have to go into work super early). Craig said he heard him playing in his room and thought for sure I would get up soon and get him. He took a shower, got ready for work and said he was so surprised that I was still sleeping. HAHA I guess he's been getting up earlier than I have thought and playing quietly in his room. I mean I feel like I fell off the wagon. I always hear him. Now I'm wondering how long this has been going on. When he screams is that the only way he can get me up? haha I think I will have to set an alarm from now on. He's been my alarm for over a year now...so this is going to be weird. The other thought to this is I'm really glad he has fun playing in his crib. This is a good sign of independence and creativity.

We got to play a bit last night on the deck and of course Micah got a huge mosquito bite on his face again. And once again I had to slap his face to get it off. I feel so bad and try to explain that he had a bug on him.. but I can't help but laugh a bit. Gosh I hope he doesn't start smacking people in the face. I swear it's only been twice I've had to do it.

Leslie and baby Nolan came over yesterday too. It was so nice catching up on everything that has happened over the weekend. Nolan was watching M run around and I think Micah really wanted to play with him. This picture that Leslie snapped is so precious. I just love them both so much.

Micah has his 15 month appointment next Wednesday !!! I can't believe it. I was going through his records and was reminiscing about everything. Every time I went in. Also.. I wanted to let you all know his Moleskum is practically gone. FINALLY. I saw that on the records and wasn't sure if I told you all this. Thank goodness it went away. It wasn't very pretty. 

Love you all. Have a great weekend. 

Happy Birthday to my niece AVERIE CLARE!! 8 years old today. Time is going by too fast. 

Stitches removed

Today was my last doctors appointment for awhile. It feels good to have nothing more to set up or worry about. Now comes the bills. Bills everywhere. Not only are you trying to recover from an emotional and physical hardship, than they add the hospital and doctor bill. I guess I'm alive today because of those bills and that's a big deal. I need to remember that. Micah came with me to get my stitches removed and he was very sweet. I took him to the mall to play afterwards. He ran around and almost got kissed by a girl. He wasn't too sure about that. As I was driving home M fell asleep and when I looked back I felt so much peace. What is it about a sleeping baby that makes the world seem like the best place ever? Whenever I see his sweet face passed out in the back seat it makes me feel on top of the world. I can't describe it. Something so simple melts my heart.

We got back home and I laid him down for his nap. I also went downstairs to take a break. When I glanced at my phone I saw some heartbreaking news. A reporter and her cameraman were shot by an old co-worker during a live shot in Virginia this morning. I know there are shootings everyday in this messed up world...but this one hit really close to home. I watched the live shot as this young 24 year old women looked so happy interviewing someone for her story and had no idea a man was about to kill her. I think I just put myself in her position. As journalists you can get wrapped up in your story so much that you don't see anything around you.  I remember trying to take my emotions out of every story. You almost had to become heartless.
I will never forget when a small plane crashed near College Station, TX and I was called to go in the middle of the night. When I got there with a co-worker we were trying to get as close as possible to get a good shot. I'll never forget the adrenaline rush of the experience...but also what happened next. We passed the barricades and went on to a farm land close by to see if we could get closer. An officer saw us and ran up to us. He said, "Please stay back this is a horrific scene and we are still looking for body parts." I'll never forget how my body froze. This wasn't just a story. This was a family of four with a small baby who just died instantly. They were still looking for pieces of the family. Gosh. Being a reporter was tough. You couldn't sit there and cry ...you had to get the information and go back to the station...and go..go ..go. NO time to feel bad.
Anyways, I have been texting and communicating with all my TV friends. We are all shocked and horrified because the shooter posted the video on FB and twitter. He wanted everyone to see. How much worse could it get? I'm sitting here feeling blessed that I don't have to go to work tomorrow and fear for my life. But in reality it's just another way of realizing we are all here for only a short time. Some shorter than others. These two journalists were 24 and 27 years old. Barely even got to live their lives. Many of us will be taken too soon or not the way we want to die. I just hope and pray both of them are in the arms of Jesus now. I pray they knew him and accepted him as their savior.

In other news.. Micah and I went to the food trucks last night with a neighbor(Lindsay) at a park in Smyrna. It was so beautiful outside and M had so much fun. I tried some lamb tacos and M went all out with a Hotdog!! haha

 He loves his balls!!

Tonight we went to the little park in our neighborhood just to get out for a bit this afternoon. 

I love you all so much and hope you are having a wonderful week

Water babies

I woke up this morning from a fun scream coming from my son's room and looked at my phone. It said 9:00 a.m.!! I had to blink a few times to make sure that was right. Yep, my eyes were not deceiving me. I couldn't believe it. Either he had been up for awhile playing in his crib and I didn't hear him or he slept in. I'm not going to get too excited or anything...but YAHOO!! Our schedule is totally off today. But it doesn't bother me. He's probably tired from the weekend.

Saturday we went to the pool with three of our neighbors. (Leslie was out of town) Their names are Lindsay, Maggie and Kristi. Kristi is the one with a daughter named "Micah" and Lindsay has a son named Parker and Maggie has a daughter named Isabella. They are all 2 and a half. It was very nice to hang out. Lindsay's husbands name is Joerry. Him and Craig both like football and they were talking almost the whole time about---you know sports. I didn't get a photo of Parker... but here is Micah and Micah and then Isabella in the last photo.

 Thank goodness M likes to share. He was excited Micah wanted some of his snacks.

They are all so cute together. Micah still has to catch up with them but he is having fun.

Last night we went to an event called "Welcome Home" something our church does for new guests wanting to get involved in the church. I talked with the creative arts directors and may be getting involved in something soon. They don't have a "moms" program at this church. I'm super bummed and feel like I missed out on this. I might register at a different church. I really need my moms days. Also they have a different way of setting up life groups at this church. We first have to sign up for a bible study and then meet people and find others we connect with during the six week study and then form a group. I honestly wish we could just jump in. Every church is so different.

Here is a video from Friday. We went to a place called Monkey Joes to get out some energy and get OUT of the house. M had a ton of fun and they let us in for free to try it out. It's only 3 dollars on Tuesdays.. so I think this may be worth it.

It was a full weekend and Craig is leaving me this week for a few days to go out of town for work. I will survive. I've got some great neighbors that have already invited me over for dinner the days he's not home. 

Love you all

Ride a little Horsey

Micah had fun with this little nursery rhyme the other day. It's a cute little video to make your day a little sweeter.

Last night I had three mom neighbors over with their littles around 6 p.m. It was so nice to meet them all and have some mom time. All three of them have 2 and a half year olds. Micah was the youngest this time and got a little overwhelmed with the madness, but I think he enjoyed himself. It's so nice to have our basement where the kids can run around. It really is a huge blessing.  I'm excited to get to know these women better in the next few months.

Also yesterday I had a different neighbor come by and drop off a meal for us. She had recently friended me on Facebook and read my story. She was so sweet and told me she also had lost a baby last year and it was similar to my experience. She made us homemade chicken pot pie. OMG.. It was delicious. Micah loved it too! He kept wanting more. My heart is so grateful for the support I am receiving even from the most unlikely people.

I also got to meet my sister yesterday at a place in Alpharetta called "Avalon." It was just what I needed. Very kid friendly place and Micah had so much fun running around the cute play area. Sorry I didn't take any pics. I was enjoying myself too much. Thankfully both Hannah and I got home at decent times and didn't get stuck in traffic. This makes everything so much more enjoyable.

I hope you all have a wonderful Friday and enjoy the weekend :)

Helmet Phase

Good Tuesday to ya,

As I was in Target yesterday and M had a toddler break down, I thought how useful a helmet would be at this stage. I remember the days I thought getting M a helmet would be devastating and sad for him to go through. I still see a slight flat spot on his head, but I think it's just because I'm his mom. Now I wish I had a helmet for him. I don't know why, but for some reason when he gets mad or upset he flings his head back and throws himself on the floor. When we are in the basement it's no big deal because I have carpet and I'm not worried. Yesterday, however, we were in the store on the tile when it happened. I had a few things in my hands when I tried to pick him up and somehow I lost my grip. He flung himself back and landed on the floor. I seriously thought he cracked his head open. I almost lost it. I picked him and he was screaming and crying on my shoulder. So much so I really was scared. We got to the bathroom and my shoulder had blood spots on it. I realized he had bit his tongue and was bleeding.
My heart was hurting so bad when I put him in the car. I was pulling out of Target when someone almost backed up right into me. It happened so fast. I slammed on my breaks and honked my horn. Again my heart sank. I started crying so hard. I wanted to get home and never go out again. If you know me at all that's a total 180.

When M was a baby I remember feeling great. Never once did I have a meltdown (except the one time when I brought him home from the hospital, but I don't really count that one) Now I am experiencing the whole meltdown...for myself. Crying I can deal with, having a fit.. whatever. Feeling like I hurt my son and literally let him go was the worst. He fell asleep on the car ride home and all day and night I watched him closely. I thought maybe he would have internal swelling and I was getting nervous. If there's one thing I know it's that my son's head is capable of pretty much anything. I am so glad God made us with hard heads or this toddler stage would be even tougher.

Anyways, glad I got that out. I'm having a hard time forgiving myself for this incident. I know Micah is over it, so I should be too.

I need to give a shout out to my friend and neighbor, Leslie. She has been so amazing to me. I really haven't been able to meet many people yet. She is seriously great. Stops by a lot or invites me to come over. It's so nice to be steps away from someone you like and have great conversations with. Craig doesn't get home until 6:30 sometime 7 so I don't get to talk to him much. He's working a lot and makes it even harder for me to be home all day by myself. I am grateful God put me here with the chance to be so close to another "Out and About MOM." She really does remind me a lot of myself when Micah was younger. That's probably why we get along so well.

Micah is up from his nap already. Thanks for reading and I hope you all have a great Tuesday.

Oh yes and here's a Toss Back Tuesday picture from when Micah was about 6 months old.

Happy Monday

 I put all three picture of Craig, Micah and I next to each other in the guest bedroom. It's so fun to see us all around the same age or so. Of course I feel like Micah got all of our cuteness and bundled it into one baby. Micah is about 5 months old in this pic. He has my nose and chin and Craig's eyes and ears.

I still felt a bit tired over the weekend. Micah slept until 8:30a.m. this morning and I feel a lot better. The problem is that I need to take a nap during the day and then at night I can't sleep. I was talking to Craig about it and I told him it's like my brain won't stop thinking. It's on overdrive right when I lay my head down. I think it's that I'm physically tired but mentally ready to go. Being a mom is draining but you don't really have to use your brain much. I mean no thinking required. (Not until school starts and homework again) I really need to get involved in something to start working my noggin. Any suggestions? I'm thinking of recording a few songs on the computer for a start. That always makes me feel better.

On Saturday we went over Hannah's house and watched the kids while they went out for their 12 year anniversary. They have 6 years on Craig and I!! That's crazy. They are like an old married couple...haha JK HANNAH!! Seriously though Hannah looks almost exactly the same as she did in High school. I am so proud of how well she is taking care of herself. She's like Benjamin Button and keeps getting younger.
Here's a pic from Saturday with the girls.

Micah has so much fun with these girls. 

This weekend went by so fast. I don't understand how it happens. It's like you are excited about Friday and then you wake up and it's Monday. haha 

Love you all

Nervous

Hey everyone

I'm laying in bed feeling scared and nervous today. I have felt extremely tired yesterday and todAy and also have felt pain in my lower abdomen. I'm concerned and tried to call my doctor but the office was closed. It might just be my body trying to heal, but my mind is going nuts. I keep thinking something is in my other tube. Maybe they missed another one. I really hope it goes away soon so I can be myself again.

I was finally feeling better and took Micah to the park yesterday and got a good walk in. I came home and a few hours later I was so exhausted I felt like I would faint if I didn't sleep. I slept for 2 hours(while m was sleeping) and woke up still tired. Just be praying that my body heals and I can get back to normal soon.

M and I went to visit Craig's work today for the first time. Micah was so excited to see his dad. He really liked Craig's office. It was decorated bright green and yellow for cricket and even had a Pac man machine Micah tried to play.

When we were at his work I met a few women who were so nice. They saw M and started talking about babies. One had two boys and The other a 4 year old girl.
The one woman said she heard it's best to have kids back to back. It's the easiest when they grow up together. I was trying to keep my cool but I almost broke down crying. I guess I'm not over it and won't be for a little while.  I felt a moment of weakness I had never felt before. Something out of my control. Again I am praying that God will comfort me during this time of confusion.

I would post a pic but the blogger app sucks!! Grrr

Love you all

Follow up

Hey there! 

I feel overwhelmed with the amount of support and love I have received after posting my story. I also feel a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. Everyone copes differently with situations, and this was my way. I can't tell you how well I slept last night. For the first time in awhile I fell asleep when I laid down. 

So I just got back from seeing my doctor. I haven't seen her since my FIRST ultrasound. Right when she walked in she was ready to explain to me what happened. It was like she was prepared for me to be really upset with them, and they were right. First off she told me in all her 20 years she never seen anything like my situation. Wow. Ok ....so even though ectopic is uncommon I had the most uncommon ectopic pregnancy ever. LOL I have to laugh sometimes. She explained to me how my number started at 1000 and the next test they had dropped to 600. This was a significant drop and is very common for miscarriage. An ectopic pregnancy usually goes up slightly or may decrease by little. The way they usually catch it is because the number goes up, however you are suppose to double and triple every week and if you go up a few hundred then they know. Also she said the sac attached so close to my ovaries it was barely in my tube. Another reason why they couldn't see it or understand what was happening. She also said they can't even detect the baby with an ultrasound until your levels reach 2,000. 

She wants me to wait 6 months and get my tube tested to make sure it's working properly before we try again. We could start trying in 3 months, but there's a 25 percent chance of it happening again. I'm not sure I want to risk it. I would be considered high risk and have to go in every 2 weeks once I do get pregnant again.. but thats A-OK with me! 

I'm feeling a bit sad right now just because I felt like having another baby was what God wanted for me and now I just feel confused. I will keep praying and try to understand his plan and not mine. 

On another note Micah seems to have a slight cold. He's teething so I can't really tell if it's from that or not. These are some pics from him sitting on the couch with me eating ice chips. That was the only way I could calm him down before I got the oragel. 

Thank you again for the love and support you have shown us.

Have a great HUMP day

Ectopic Pregnancy

First off let me say I am so glad to be here writing this today. I feel so blessed that I am able to get back to my life and my cute little man. This is my story and I need to tell it. Not because I want anyone to feel sorry for me, but if I can help one person by writing this than it's worth it.

An ectopic pregnancy is when the egg attaches to your fallopian tube instead of your uterus. It happens to 1 of out 50 pregnancies. I wish I would have known it could happen to me. I was not the "type" of person this happens too.  I didn't fit into any of the criteria. However, I had all the signs and symptoms, yet no knowledge of it. And of course I didn't think something that was uncommon could happen to me. I mean I had the best first pregnancy ever. No sickness, no pain, just the love and hope of a beautiful baby growing inside of me.

Around the middle of June:
I had been spotting for awhile and knew something was wrong with me. At first I thought it was my body trying to get back on a regular cycle from breastfeeding so I didn't concern too much with it. It lasted for about 3 weeks so I called my OB in Plano and told the nurse about it. She said she was concerned it might be some type of infection so gave me some medication to clear it up. I took the medication and after the five days it went away for about one day and then started back up. During this time my family and I were headed to a whole new life in Georgia. I didn't really have time to figure out my issues until we were settled and ready to start finding doctors.

I had gotten a type of period at least 3 times during that month and one day felt very tired. Unusually tired. Even though I was bleeding I knew something was different. I took a pregnancy test and it was positive...and I mean very CLEAR positive. My heart sank because I knew I was losing the baby. However, in a way it seemed more manageable to find out right away and never to get excited about it. I called a new OB around July 5th and no one could get me in until July 27th. That was the longest few weeks of my life. Waiting to find out if the baby was there or not. Thank goodness I had my one year old running around making me laugh and smile through out the day.

The day I was going to the doctor I felt like I wanted to throw up. I was so nervous/excited but trying to keep my cool. I dropped off Micah at the mall with my sister and she was able to watch him while I went to get checked out. At the doctors office they treated me as if I had a baby. The whole time they kept asking me if I was "happy" about the pregnancy and I tried to explain to them I was pretty sure it was gone by now. I didn't want to be anything. I wanted to take my feelings out of the situation and just be. As I waited in a room for about 15 minutes (felt like an hour) to see the doctor I prayed to God that this baby would be there and I would have a little miracle on the way. She came in and told me congratulations it looks like I was 7 weeks along from the urine sample. Again I tried to explain my situation and kept my cool. Trying to say, "I want to make sure it's there before I feel anything." She laid me down and explained that it's all in God's hands. She started doing the ultrasound and I was intently looking at the screen. Silence. Nothing. She told me she didn't see anything. She was concerned because she didn't even see a sac.

OK so I know how women get pregnant and a little here and there...but not to the extent I think I should have. The doctor said she thought my body already aborted the baby and that she needed to make sure by doing blood tests. So after this, I was hopeless. I knew there was no baby in there but then after googling everything I saw many times the baby can be too small to see and they need to find out with blood tests. Two days later I went in for blood tests and then it came back my numbers were going down so everything looked good (i guess you could say) for a miscarriage. That week on Thursday I started feeling a lot of pain. I knew most miscarriages experience a lot of pain. It didn't feel like cramps and it was hurting in the lowest part of my abdomen. It was so painful I couldn't move for several hours. I called my sister and she ended up coming that night to help me. The next day I went in to get my blood taken again. I told the nurse about my pain, but she said it was normal. Everyone I talked to said it was painful until the sac comes out. Usually it's stops hurting as bad. I never really put it together. Why was I having so much pain if she never saw a sac? The next day  I was feeling better but still really sore in my abdomen like someone had done surgery on me (yikes foreseeing the future here).

Saturday I went out with my sister and her friends. We drank and laughed and had a good time. I was trying to get over everything and felt like I could start over and maybe even start trying again soon. I know a lot of my friends got pregnant pretty fast after they had a miscarriage. Sunday I was fine. Feeling better and ready to start a new week.

On Monday I woke up feeling great. Micah and I went to the mall and then Costco and got a ton of groceries. After putting M down to sleep I called my mom. We were talking on the phone and I told her I was having some pain again. All the sudden out of now where I felt like something exploded inside of me. Such excruciating pain like someone was stabbing me and wouldn't pull out the knife. I had my mom on speaker and told her I was in so much pain I could barely talk or move. She told me to put something warm on it or take a bath. I hung up with her and for the next 2 hours I was in the bath (with my clothes on) and thought I was going to pass out. I was so scared because I had left my phone in the basement and I couldn't move.  I didn't know if Micah was crying, but thought at least he's in his crib. He was in the safest spot.

After taking about 7 ibuprofen and two hours later I could get out of the tub. It was a constant stabbing pain and I knew this was different. If every women had to go through this much pain for a miscarriage I feel like they would have warned me. I think everyone has a different pain tolerance and sometimes you don't want to feel like a baby. So you push yourself to the extreme....I was thinking everyone had to go through what I was going through...but I was wrong.

Craig got home that night and I told him what happened. It was hard to explain because at that time I was able to walk around again. He really couldn't understand what I had went through. I thought it would be like last time and I would be sore but it would go away. I tried to lay down in our bed and couldn't breath. If I would laugh, burp, hiccup, or cough it would hurt so bad. I went downstairs to sleep on the couch since I couldn't lay all the way down and when I didn't sleep AT ALL I knew I had to see a doctor. Breathing was difficult and my whole abdomen area was so sore and I kept having a constant pain in my right side.

I called the nurse on Tuesday morning and told her I thought my pain was too much for a normal miscarriage. I explained my symptoms and she said it sounded normal, but I should come in to make sure so I could sleep easy. I almost had a thought to not go...almost. I said OK I'm coming in. I need to make sure this is right. I had my neighbor (which I'm so thankful for) come over until Craig got home.

As I was driving to the OB's office there were so many scenarios running through my head. At first I just wanted them to confirm I was having normal pain for a miscarriage. As I was sitting in the office waiting for my name to be called it hit me that I wasn't going to be in and out. This could be the beginning of a long process. My name was finally called and I sat in a room waiting to get an internal ultrasound. The doctor, who was filling in for mine, came in and asked me about my symptoms. She started doing the ultrasound and called another doctor in. They both said there was an unusual amount of fluid in my uterus due to the fact there was no sac or baby inside. She asked me if anyone lived close and could take me to the ER. I was in a little bit of shock, but had a feeling this was coming. I called my husband, but after talking to him we decided I should drive myself. The reason being that it was 3 o'clock and the roads were about the get jam packed. Micah was sleeping and I had the car with the only car seat in it. I told the doctor while I starting breaking down in tears that I had to drive myself. There was really no other option. She advised against it, but told me to check in the ER and tell them to rule out an ectopic pregnancy. As I was crying I just kept telling her that I had never done this before and was unsure of the process. She told me she would call the hospital and let them know I was coming.

I tried to hold back my tears on the way to the hospital because I knew it would only hurt my situation. As my phone kept blinking it only had 15 percent battery life...that's exactly how I felt. I didn't know how much more I could take but I tried to charge my battery as much as I could before heading into the hospital. When I got inside they were actually very friendly. Too bad they had no idea who I was or even acted like anyone had called. So again I tried to explain my situation from the beginning. I told the nurse I even suspected that I had appendicitis. This is how little I was familiar with ectopic. I really thought there was something else wrong with me.

I was able to get in a room pretty fast and waited for awhile to get my blood taken and they did a catheter urine test (FYI not cool) to rule out a bladder infection. The doctor came in and asked me about my HCG levels and honestly I really didn't know much. All I knew is that they were going down. He pressed on my abdomen all over and said they needed to rule out appendicitis. I had to wait about an hour to get a CAT  scan done. Again this is the first time I have ever been to a hospital (other than having a baby) so everything was very new to me. Another hour went by and the doctor came in and said my appendix looks fine but something has ruptured and I had internal bleeding. They called my OB's office and had the doctor on call come in and look at my results. Later on another NEW doctor (to me) told me it looks like I had an ectopic pregnancy that ruptured and there's a lot of blood around my stomach. She said it was possible that my fallopian tube may need to be removed.

So there I was laying in a hospital bed finally understanding all the pain I had to withstand the last few days. In a way I was so happy to be at a hospital knowing that they could fix me. I was so happy I decided to go in just to be able to make sure everything was "OK." Now I could finally rest easy....wait not yet. Hold on. I'm by myself about to get emergency surgery and I was by myself. On top of all that my phone was out of batteries. So not the best situation ever. The nurse was able to charge my phone a bit so I could retrieve some numbers off of it. I called Craig and we tried to have my sister come over but in the end there were things that we couldn't change and overall Craig was home with Micah and I knew my son was safe and being taken care of. This was a sad realization that I had to go through this alone, but I knew with strength I had from prayer and the love I felt from family I would be OK.

More waiting...
I had to wait until around 1 a.m. to go in for surgery. Not only was I already exhausted and didn't sleep, but I was nervous that my doctor was tired as well. As my nerves were becoming strong and my heart beating so fast I was surprisingly overall calm because I knew where I was going if anything went wrong. Let me tell you something. I had so much peace in my soul because God was with me the whole time. I was actually never alone and really never felt alone. As they strapped me down in a freezing room I prayed to God to watch over me and the doctors. What a weird feeling to know in a few seconds you would be out and people would be cutting you open and looking into your body. It was more of a black out feeling.

I don't know how long it took, but when I woke up I felt the most pain I had ever had in my life. It was like my stomach was open and my organs were falling out of my body. I was in shock and started shivering from being so cold. It wasn't for a few minutes that felt like forever when they gave me some medication to help the pain.

I woke up very groggy and took awhile for me to be able to get up. I found out they had to remove my fallopian tube from all the damage. Craig got to the hospital around 12 p.m. and was by my side trying to make me laugh. By 6 p.m. on Wednesday I got to eat a soft diet at the hospital and they discharged me. Thank goodness my sister was able to watch Micah that day and the next two days stayed with me while I recovered.

The last few days it's been hard for me to sleep because I keep thinking about all the signs and how it happened. I wish I would have known more about this type or pregnancy so I could have avoided this situation. The signs: Bleeding for awhile without having heavy period. Ultrasound showing no signs of baby or sac. Having major pain (not cramps) in my lower abdominal. Feeling sore around my entire stomach area and not being able to breath very well.
I am so glad I listened to my body and went in because I don't know if I would be here today. Internal bleeding is a serious problem and if it doesn't stop it's fatal.

I'm not blaming anyone, but nowadays sometimes doctors just don't have the time to invest in you or your situation. I know mine was different since I had just moved and only met my doctor for the first time during the ultrasound. Still I wish I would have looked at all the options and maybe could have asked about this type of pregnancy before it was too late.

As for me, there is no going back. There really is no "next time" because it's over and done. I hope that someone may read this and ask their doctor to check their fallopian tube if they are having this type of pain. The only thing I can do now is share my story and pray it doesn't happen to anyone I know. Miscarriages are hard enough to deal with let alone having emergency surgery on top of it all. I am very open about what happened to me and am praying more women can talk about loss. Most of us will go through it in our lifetime. The more we share, the more we feel connected and can heal.

At this point I am prone to have another ectopic pregnancy and will need to be very careful going forward. This may have pushed back us trying for a little while. I ask you for your prayers and quick healing emotionally and physically. Thank you for all your support.  All I can say is listen to your body. You are the only one who can tell when something is wrong. You are worth it!!

Today I can't understand why God wanted me to go through this, but I know it was in his plan. One day it will be clear to me.

Love you all and thanks for reading.



The information below is from the Mayo Clinic.

An ectopic pregnancy occurs when a fertilized egg implants somewhere other than the main cavity of the uterus. Pregnancy begins with a fertilized egg. Normally, the fertilized egg attaches itself to the lining of the uterus.

An ectopic pregnancy most often occurs in one of the tubes that carry eggs from the ovaries to the uterus (fallopian tubes). This type of ectopic pregnancy is known as a tubal pregnancy. In some cases, however, an ectopic pregnancy occurs in the abdominal cavity, ovary or neck of the uterus (cervix).

An ectopic pregnancy can't proceed normally. The fertilized egg can't survive, and the growing tissue might destroy various maternal structures. Left untreated, life-threatening blood loss is possible.

Early treatment of an ectopic pregnancy can help preserve the chance for future healthy pregnancies.

Up to an estimated 20 in every 1,000 pregnancies are ectopic. Various factors are associated with ectopic pregnancy, including:

• Previous ectopic pregnancy. If you've had one ectopic pregnancy, you're more likely to have another.

• Inflammation or infection. Inflammation of the fallopian tube (salpingitis) or an infection of the uterus, fallopian tubes or ovaries (pelvic inflammatory disease) increases the risk of ectopic pregnancy. Often, these infections are caused by gonorrhea or chlamydia.

• Fertility issues. Some research suggests an association between difficulties with fertility — as well as use of fertility drugs — and ectopic pregnancy.

• Structural concerns. An ectopic pregnancy is more likely if you have an unusually shaped fallopian tube or the fallopian tube was damaged, possibly during surgery. Even surgery to reconstruct the fallopian tube can increase the risk of ectopic pregnancy.

• Contraceptive choice. Pregnancy when using an intrauterine device (IUD) is rare. If pregnancy occurs, however, it's more likely to be ectopic. The same goes for pregnancy after tubal ligation — a permanent method of birth control commonly known as "having your tubes tied." Although pregnancy after tubal ligation is rare, if it happens, it's more likely to be ectopic.

• Smoking. Cigarette smoking just before you get pregnant can increase the risk of an ectopic pregnancy. And the more you smoke, the greater the risk.

MY story

I will be posting "my story" shortly. It's taken me awhile to write it. But for now here is a video of Micah dancing. I'm not sure where he got this one move, but it seems to be happening a lot now.

Also can you be praying for M? He is teething really bad. The worst I've even seen. His whole hand is in his mouth and he is screaming at the top of his lungs. I give him pain reliever, teething tablets and just bought some baby oragel. I'm hoping it works a little better. Both of us are suffering and in pain and it's really pretty sad.

Love you all

This is the life

So I have a few videos today. Micah is becoming a little performer. Who knew this would happen?? The other night before bed he starting twirling around and around... and reminded me of well.. myself. I was told I used to do the same thing before bed because I wanted to stay up.  He is dancing now and making us laugh. I mean seriously does it get any better than this?

First I will start with the Doctor's office. He had to come with me the last two times I got my blood taken. He was such a good boy. Even though I just lost a little one, God has given me the best medicine-MICAH. So he made me laugh at the doctor and always gets the ladies attention.

I'm still recovering from a pretty painful week. I couldn't do much on Thursday because I had so much pain I thought I would need to go to the hospital. The next day it just felt like I had surgery and I was so sore. I am feeling better today. I hope this week is better.

So Friday night I made Broccoli Chicken Alfredo stuffed shells. I was supposed to make them on Thursday but couldn't. I love this meal, it was delish!! I even brought some over to my neighbor because her husband was out of town. She really liked them too!!

 This is what I call "Harris" Genes. I can't get the swiffer out if Micah is up because he HAS to do it. You all know I'm not a big cleaning person.. however looks like my son might be like he NANA. How old do they have to be to start getting chores? I'm thinking 2. He should be ready soon.

Saturday night I got to hang out with my sister and her friend Janell. We went to a place in Alpharetta   and it was so nice. We had to wait an hour and a half to get in to the restaurant...but with no kids I didn't mind at all. It's usually IN and OUT with kids no time to relax, so this was just what I needed. Here are some pics from our night.

Yesterday we went to a birthday party for Craig's friend at work's daughter who turns 2. They had a bouncy house and pool party. Micah was pretty amazing. He didn't get crabby until we got in the car to go home. He loves being with people and especially little kids. It was a fun time but I was exhausted after.

 Here's the next video. Speaking of exhausted.. Micah was so tired he decided to chill out on the couch and have dad give him some cake and ice cream. Everyone was like... that's the life right there.

And lastly, Sunday night Craig and I watched God's Not Dead. At the end of the movie Micah woke up from his nap and came downstairs with us. A song came on by Newsboys and he just started dancing and cracked us up. 

I'm telling you guys. It just keeps getting better with this one! He is the best. 

Hope you all have an amazing week!