A letter to the one I lost

I love you yesterday, today and tomorrow too. I'm thinking about you a lot today. You have been on my mind ever since I lost you. The first few months I didn't have time to grieve. I could only focus on getting better. I was in so much shock and everything went so fast I forgot to cry for you. I was so focused on me and what happened. Trying to heal and deal with my surroundings, but I never thought about what you went through. I know your a fighter. You held on until the last moment. Don't you worry sweet little thing because mommy will never forget you. You left your mark on my belly and in my heart. You left us without feeling the touch from your mom and dad. We would have spoiled you with kisses and hugs. We miss you this week. I'm sure you would have taken your time coming into this world and we would be so excited to meet you.

I should be holding you right now and kissing your chubby cheeks. All I know is even though you were the tiniest little thing, God still has you in the palm of his hand. He gets to see you now.  I thought time would heal the brokenness you left behind, but it seems to only get harder. Everyday I wonder what you would have looked like and what your little cry would sound like. You have made me so much stronger than you will ever know. I have grown in so many ways since you left. I have made so many friends because of you.

Today I cry for you little one. I'm not sad for you, only for us in this world who will never hear you sing, or say MA. You are in a better place and I am happy for that. My tears only are to help me push forward in this life and know the meaning of it. It's taken me 9 months to really understand the reality of this life. We only have so much time here and soon we will be with you. 9 months ago it felt like I would get over you quickly. I was wrong... I will never get over you.

You would have loved your big brother. He would give you even more kisses and love to hold your hand. He would have taught you all you need to know about balls. That's one of his favorite things. He would love you almost as much as I do.

But even though you are gone, you will always be in my heart and on my mind. I don't want to forget you. At first I thought it best to put it all behind me and now I realize I need to do the opposite. You are part of me and that will never change. Thank you for holding on and trying your best to survive. I can only imagine how scary that must have been for you. It's still going to hurt most days when I try to understand why, but for now I will just love you and say a prayer for you.

I love you through and through, yesterday, today and tomorrow too. <3 p="">